Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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