upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
