I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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