margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
