see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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