I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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