My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
