Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
