When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize