Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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