Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
