dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
