He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
