she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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