why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
