That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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