An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
