Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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