I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
