How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
