I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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