All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize