It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
