Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
