ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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