just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
