she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
