it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize