is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
