i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He passed out mid-signature
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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