i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
