So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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