Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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