jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
