Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
