My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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