I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
