well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
