I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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