Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize