In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
