Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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