i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
