Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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