i wish there were pregnant emoticons
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
