Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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