it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
