I bet he comes in French.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
