just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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