I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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