just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
