when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
