I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
