I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
