How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
