I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
My penis needs a shock collar
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
