The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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