There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Say something about gay babies.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
