things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just cut my nipple shaving
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
