Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize