every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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