my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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