when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
