Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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