There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
