Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
