Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
PANTIES FOUND
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