Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
