Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
