Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
