I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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