i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
